Random Ramblings

This 2020 Make a Wish!

Hello everyone. Subinita here. I Can’t believe my blog is 4 years old now. It feels only a few months ago I opened my blog.

It’s been really a long time I logged in to this blog. I had started it when I had nothing to do. I had no way to go. No aim or goals in life, just darkness. I had graduated but unemployed. My mother’s surgery. I had slowly fallen into depression. Thank god I got help at the earliest stage. I had immersed myself in reading. I solely started this blog to forget the pain. After all the virtual world is where you can let your dreams be free.

I got my first computer in 2014. In 2015 I got an internet connection. Not your broadband or wi-fi. I had a dongle and a sim card. I used to recharge every month and get 1gb 3G data that I had to use very frugally. I am very late to join internet but I learn fast and discovered everything myself. I discovered Goodreads before any other social media platforms. I found out that an online book club was really a thing. I wrote my first reviews there. Really never thought to open a blog till then.

I started writing stories, however. Fanfiction. That was what I started with. Anime fics. At first, they were purely for fun, to test myself to see if I’m capable to write or not then it became an addiction. Looking back I think now that writing had really helped me to cope with my dark mood back then.

After reading my books reviews a friend suggested me to open a blog.

And that is how my friends, I discovered WordPress.

I can’t say that I write well. I am not satisfied with any review I wrote on this blog, except two. Only because I got some comments praising me for those two. One was even liked by the author on Instagram. That’s it. I have tried many things on this blog. Rambling, reviews of both films and books even of mangas. Unfortunately, all those are very monotonously written. Now I think that I have written best reviews for those books with which I have made a close psychic distance. It’s like I didn’t write those reviews, the books made me write those. The words poured themselves out of me. I won’t talk about my fics here. If you are curious go to my Tumblr. That’s where I sin.

2017 saw a change. I had found a way, an opportunity. I started studying something I never thought I would. Slowly, very slowly things started to change. I could see a  beacon in the darkness. But 2018 came and through various troubling circumstances, I was feeling hopeless. The darkness was seeping inside again. 2019 first half and the desperation could not have been darker. Every night I went to sleep with my eyes wide open, high-strung from fatigue and tension. Every single day I went to sit before my computer to get my freelance work and got paid nearly nothing.

It was such a difficult time. I could not read a book, could not write and could not be active on this blog.

I probably would have gone mad if things didn’t change soon. In the second half of the month, I got an employment offer. My fourth-semester exam just ended. I thought that finally, my pain would subside. 

But pain is something seems permanent. You can’t race against it. You just have to learn to cope with it and snatch out every single best moment. Happiness and pain are like a seesaw, continuously moving up and down.

Now I am working and getting paid, far less than what I should but that’s the current trend, unfortunately. But at least the demons in my mind are sleeping now.

It’s weird how fast your life can change. What life stores for you, you have no idea. 

On this new year, I won’t say that you have to do this or you must make this resolution. No. Life doesn’t work that way. What I’ll tell you to just live your life to the fullest and take every opportunity. Just be happy and healthy. You can figure the rest out by yourself.

A very Happy New Year everyone. 

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